Tumbling Into a Field of Stars
by Exquisiteliltart
Summary: Emma and Regina have a conversation about Elsa and open up to one another a little bit... okay, they open up a lot.
1. Chapter 1

**"I don't really like driving in snow. There's something about the motion of the falling snowflakes that hurts my eye, throws my sense of balance all to hell. It's like tumbling into a field of stars." - Sandman #51: "A Tale of Two Cities"**

….

"Is that door portal still in the big house?" Emma wondered aloud as she paged through The Book. She'd now read the story of the Snow Queen three times and realized how much she missed Elsa. The woman wasn't much good for conversations about pop culture; she hadn't grown up listening to 'New Kids on the Block' or even 'Backstreet Boys', but having those types of background commonalities weren't as important as the ones they did share.

They both grew up in isolation, Elsa quite literally, and Emma, well, she was surrounded by a houseful of foster brothers and sisters and still felt completely isolated. Elsa understood that feeling. They were both different: having magic and all the feelings and issues that particular talent brought bubbling up. It was so confusing, and Elsa had been the one to help Emma see some light at the end of the dark and crazy Ingrid tunnel.

Emma looked across her desk to Regina, waiting for a response. The blonde worried her lip between her teeth, feeling anxious. Elsa wasn't the only one Emma had commonalities with. She was very aware that she shared those differences and struggles with Regina too. With Elsa gone, she desperately wanted to open up to Regina. She had tried so hard, but the fact remained, Elsa had been so much easier to talk to. Well, at least she was when she wasn't obsessing over her sister, but to be fair Emma had done her share of obsessing over Regina. Elsa even understood that, and had convinced her to continue pursuing Regina even when she was certain their hard fought level of trust was broken forever.

"What portal?" Regina murmured the question a long moment later as if she had just registered the fact that Emma had spoken. She rolled her pen between her fingers and continued to read over documents and clues that would hopefully point her to the author of The Book.

"The one that leads to Arendelle," Emma elaborated, stretching her arms over her head and looking up to gauge Regina's reaction.

"Planning a visit to your friend?" Regina smiled coldly, the corners of her mouth upturned in politeness, but her eyes remained hard as she momentarily met Emma's gaze and then quickly shifted back to the document she was looking at.

"No!" Emma replied forcefully for no reason. She checked her tone, "I mean, is it even possible to visit?"

"How many times do I have to explain that inter realm travel isn't exactly easy," Regina slammed her book shut, her concentration broken. She rubbed the bridge of her nose, and felt agitation crawling over her like a skin rash. Regina wasn't good at identifying her emotions as they came over her; she realized this when she was working with Archie trying to control her use of magic, and it bothered her to no end. She needed to be in control of her feelings and she hated that she wasn't sure what exactly was bothering her. Emma was just asking an innocent question, and she supposed that she did miss her sparkly blue dressed friend. She could emphathize with that…a bit. But the real question she wanted to ask, though she couldn't because it was totally unfair: Why would Emma miss Elsa when she had Regina to be her friend now? That's what Emma had so desperately wanted all this time, wasn't it?

"I know, I just wondered if that portal thing was like permanently there, because it seemed pretty easy for her to get back. Forget I mentioned it," Emma flopped back down in her chair and leaned back, resting the backs of her hands on her forehead and extending her legs. She was definitely restless.

A silence enveloped the Sherriff's office, both women lost in their respective thoughts. A person could have more than one friend, she knew that obviously, but Regina had had so few in her life that one at a time was all she could fathom. She grudgingly acknowledged that she had come to rely on Emma and how blessedly happy she felt when she had agreed to help find the author and subsequently: her happy ending.

"What did you like so much about her?" Regina asked quietly, she tried to keep the question even, simply polite and curious, but her voice lifted at the end of the question with a jealous edge. She pursed her lips in displeasure as Emma raised an eyebrow and shot her a look.

"I liked talking to her, and she always had good advice. She helped me a lot with my magic and…stuff."

"Hmm, I see," Regina swallowed, she recognized the feeling welling up inside her now as clear as day: envy. She tamped it down, put it away in a little box in her mind. That was one of Archie's visualization exercises that had proved extremely helpful: visualize putting the bad emotions out of sight and out of mind. That particular trick had kept her from incinerating Marian outside of Granny's when she had rudely called her a monster.

Emma rubbed her chin and patted her stomach as she tried to gear up to confess; she felt a prickle of heat, but she needed to tell her, "She helped me with you too."

"Emma, I hardly remember that whole debacle in my vault and besides I was cursed. I can't be held accountable for my actions," Regina shook her head apologetically, assuming Emma meant when she had magicked off their ribbons. "Although, the choice of topic that you brought to my attention in that moment is another discussion entirely; one that I am in no mood for presently."

"Yeah…me either," they had been avoiding speaking about that for awhile. "I'm sorry, by the way. I know you were basically drugged with that curse and half out of your mind, but I am sorry for what I said."

"At least no one died," Regina shifted and crossed her legs before clearing her throat and adding quietly, "you're forgiven."

Emma smiled and felt the urge to place her hand over Regina's, knowing that granting forgiveness wasn't a thing she did freely, if ever. Instead, she took a sip of Mountain Dew and continued with her original point, "I actually meant that Elsa helped me that night when you and I went on our walk in the woods. Elsa convinced me to never give up on you."

"Oh," Regina sunk down further in her chair, wondering why Elsa had cared enough to persuade her, and what Emma had told her about their tenuous relationship.

"I guess I kind of miss her, and you would too if you had gotten to know her. She's like us, she could relate to me- everything that I'm going through," Emma continued with a heavy heart, feeling the weight of missing Elsa more than ever. "Have you ever known someone like that? Someone that you could tell anything to and you just knew they wouldn't judge or write you off?"

Regina didn't answer for a long time. Finally, she spoke directing her answer pointedly to Emma, "I think I do now, yes."

This time Emma did reach across and place her hand over Regina's. They shared a moment of recognition, and Emma felt safe enough to continue, "Just like everything with my parents having baby Neal. I love him. I do. He's my brother, but…"

"It's feels like you've been replaced by someone else who is more deserving of love," Regina's voice had a faraway frightened quality. She hated when she sounded like that, but she was more focused on getting the words out. She felt the desperate need for a connection with Emma. A connection that they'd always had, but it had been buried under a thick pile of hurt.

Emma's eyes widened, "Yeah, that's-that's exactly what it feels like."

A small chuckle resonated deep in Regina's throat as if stuck; a faint bit of clarity filtered into her mind: confirming and sharing was how she was going to dig herself out of that mountain of pain. "That's exactly how I felt when Henry first brought you to town, and it's the same feeling I had when you brought Marian back."

Emotions swirled in Emma, constricting her chest and laboring her breath, "Is that how you felt about Elsa? I mean because you and I were in such a good place with defeating Zelena and then I…"

Regina cut her off by moving her hand over Emma's and squeezing, she shook her head, "Honestly, I was blinded by my own pain insofar to care…up until recently."

Emma needed to look away; she felt tears threatening to spill. She turned her head to the right and up toward the window, where snow was falling heavy and stark against the blue of dusk. "She was a good friend."

"I've never said this to anyone and meant it honestly until now: I can be a good friend to you, Emma." Regina had other feelings, harder to bring up and voice because they were difficult for her to understand. She wanted to be close to Emma in the way Elsa had been. She would have to sort through them later when she was alone. It was so much more confusing when she was near Emma, though the woman had a way of bringing forth her goodness. She decided then that she would no longer let the dark part of her heart try to extinguish that glimmer of light. She'd let it grow and brighten when she was around Emma. She felt a certainty in that.

"You are," she met Regina's shining eyes. The office was too quiet, and the emotion too much. If Regina hadn't been so caught up in the moment she would have recognized it as what Archie referred to as a 'breakthrough.'

Unable to stand the tension, Emma needed levity, "When are you going to teach me how to poof so I can get to Granny's without having to walk or drive?"

Regina visibly relaxed, and she quirked an eyebrow, "People practice magic for many reasons: to gain power, revenge, wealth, but you are the only one I've met whose motives are borne of sheer laziness."

They shared a laugh and it felt good, like the moment when you finally arrive at a long awaited destination. It felt like relief.

"Seriously, I'm hungry. What do you say we take a break from happy ending hunting and get some burgers?"

"I'd like that."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I couldn't leave it alone…

…

Regina roused from sleep, groggy and disoriented. It must be the greasy beef she had consumed at dinner with Emma that had upset her stomach and woken her in the middle of the night. Her throat felt bone dry so she swung herself out of bed and got a glass of water, hoping that it would soothe her and allow her to sleep uninterrupted.

Once she was up she felt wide awake in body and spirit. Her house was quiet and still as she ran the tap and sipped from her glass. Now that she was up she might as well head to her study and journal. She would never let Dr. Hopper know, but she did find it immensely helpful in sorting her thoughts and it kept her mindful.

She rolled her neck from side to side and wiped the remnants of sleep out of her eyes. She caught sight of her reflection in the hall mirror and briefly felt a tug of despair clawing at her heart. She breathed deeply and willed herself to shake off the feeling. She was happy, she was mindful. She curled up on her sofa, pulling a throw blanket around her pajama clad legs, she opened her journal. She had never thought of herself as the kind of woman to indulge in self help books, or watch 'Oprah' for peace and inspiration, but with wry realization she thought maybe some Deepak Chopra could have helped her.

She sorted through the conversation with Emma she'd had earlier in the day, recalling the way the blonde woman had looked at her. Regina realized that Emma made her feel 'seen' in a way no one else ever had. Certainly, not her mother, not ever. Regina had searched and searched for even a hint of that. Not even Robin had looked at her with that level of recognition and understanding. Sadly, she couldn't really remember how he had looked at her.

Touching on the aspect of the jealousy of the feeling she had when she learned that Emma and Elsa had talked about magic together. The anger she felt when Emma shared secret looks with her puppy dog pirate. She wrote and wrote until her hand cramped, and tears she didn't know she was holding in fell from her eyes and splattered the pages, smearing the ink.

Finally, after letting it all out of her heart and onto the page, she limbs grew heavy and her eyelids drooped, but she felt lighter and more enlivened. She carefully placed her journal onto her desk, took another sip of water and returned to her bed where sleep came easily.

In the morning, she woke to the sound of Henry's footsteps echoing down the stairs. He had grown so much in such a short time. Everything was changing, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. After her shower and breakfast she returned to her study and recalled her journaling session, but it seemed almost like it had been a dream.

She scanned through the pages that detailed her grief, and love in unequal measure and found the words she had written the night before. Her breath hitched as she read all of it and re-read it just to be sure. Archie had said that sometimes you have to sit with your feelings, even the bad ones and even though it's uncomfortable, because maybe if you let yourself feel instead of pushing it away you won't be afraid of those emotions anymore.

Those damned tricky feelings were like Pandora's Box. It wasn't anger, or jealousy, or fear…not any longer. The feeling that had popped out and was sitting on her chest was _love_. It was light and it was happy and bounced over her being: weightless and real.

She wasn't sure how long she just stood there and let it wash over her, but she was startled by a loud knock on her door. She willed her stiff legs to move and as she passed back down the hall she caught another glimpse of herself in the mirror. She passed by and then stopped and stepped backwards, there was not only no trace of her familiar friend despair, but now she seemed to shine. She touched her hair experimentally, and then guiltily retreated as another knock sounded. She smiled so brightly in utter disbelief. This was more than a breakthrough; Dr. Hopper would call this an epiphany.

"Hey," Emma said as Regina flung open the door, not surprised to see her at all even though she was technically unexpected. Snow was still falling, light and fluffy flakes that landed on and decorated Emma's stocking cap and beard. "Can I come in? It's freezing out here."

Regina had been staring and smiling like a drunken goof for a moment too long, but she stepped backwards pulling the door wider and Emma strutted in. "I stopped by because we had a date at the Sheriff's station to go over the older fairytale variations, and it's already passed nine. Are you okay?"

She couldn't stop staring or smiling, she nervously nodded, "Yes, I'm very okay…very..."

The smile was infectious and Emma caught it too, huffing in elated confusion, "Very? Okay…Did I miss something?'

"Let me take your coat, and I'll make you some coffee," Regina practically pulled her coat off and took her by the hand to lead her into the kitchen.

"So what's going on with you today?" Emma was almost bashful, unaccustomed to Regina acting so open and welcoming. She was touched and curious about the way the other woman was positively beaming.

Halfway through grinding the coffee beans, Regina got nervous, and her old fears of rejection tried to surge forth and smother the light. She looked at Emma and found that solidifying encouragement that steadied and emboldened her to be candid. "I'm glad you're here, I was thinking about some of the things we talked about yesterday…"

"Me too," Emma admitted as she accepted the cup of coffee and wrapped both hands around the warm mug.

"You were?" Regina sat down next to her with her own cup, and watched the steam curl up and dissipate into the air. She sounded shy and wanting when she looked Emma in the eye and asked, "What were you thinking about?"

Emma sipped her coffee clearly finding it difficult to organize her own thoughts into clear sentences, her mouth lifted into a smile around her cup and the apples of her cheeks grew rosy. She stole a glance at Regina, "I was thinking about you, and how I like helping you out with the happy ending thing. I really like it. It gives me this satisfied feeling; I don't know how to describe it. It's like I'm fulfilling some purpose that I didn't know I had."

Regina reached forward and plucked Emma's coffee mug from her hands, placing it on the table. She let their fingers brush together softly as her eyes turned earnest and pleading. She worried her lip between her teeth and leaned even closer to Emma. Green eyes bore a look of confusion, but there was no trace of fear or trepidation. Slowly, Regina angled in, and let her eyes flutter shut as her lips landed on Emma's in a sweet gentle kiss.

For once in her life, her fears dissipated and she had never been so sure of anything: Emma was right and true. Regina pulled back just a hairsbreadth and hummed in satisfaction. She murmured breathlessly into Emma's lips, "You are my happy ending."

With a force of clarity that Emma had only felt once before in her life (when she had understood that all stories in The Book were real and accepted her destiny as the savior,) she exhaled in wonder and leaned forward instinctively bringing their mouths together again for a longer kiss accompanied by the fulfilling promise of a real happily ever after.

"This is what this is like?" Emma burst out in joyful laughter unable to contain herself. She had never smoked crack, but she now understood what all the fuss was about: euphoria, elation, the need for another hit. Regina was her crack. "When you know, you know….you know?"

The brunette sniffled, her cheeks ached and her eyes squinted from smiling so hard. Tears ran in tracks down her face from the sheer overwhelming power of emotion that had to find release. "Yes…I can't believe I'd been so in the dark for so long."

Emma couldn't catch her breath, her mind was racing, "What do they call this feeling? It's not love at first sight…but it's like I was deaf and got a cochlear implant and just heard music for the first time…or or! Like I had looked everywhere for my keys and I finally found them in plain sight on the kitchen counter… or…."

Regina cupped her chin and kissed her again and again, and Emma wisely shut up and kissed her back. When they next broke apart, Regina mocked her playfully, "Or it's like when the windows look clean, but I wash them anyway and am amazed at how much clearer the glass is."

Emma wrapped her arms around her in a big hug, and stood up knocking her chair over and pulling Regina up with her. "Maybe I should have realized this a bit sooner, the signs were kind of pointing me toward you this whole time. I think Elsa saw it and that's why she was so insistent that I don't give up. You can't give up on happiness."

"I like Elsa, maybe we should pay her a visit," Regina pressed her face in Emma's neck and inhaled her scent. She smelled of blackberry and sage and it made her mouth water with desire.

"Maybe we should pay a visit to your bed?" Emma let her eyebrows waggle and she smirked suggestively as she swayed Regina back and forth lightly in her arms.

At Regina's look of incredulity, Emma innocently asked "What?"

"Ms. Swan…"

"Come on, I have never been able to deny my attraction to you…convincingly at least, and don't even pretend that you haven't thought about us. You know I can feel you through our magic: when you're near me, when you're in pain, when you're sad and especially when you're all pent up. You don't know what it does to me."

"I know. I can feel you too… your strength, your courage, and even the brokenness inside of you," she placed her hand over her heart feeling the pulsing and sensing the emotions within her. She found it funny that she could always make sense of other people's hearts, but it had taken her whole life to understand her own.


End file.
